Survivors Remorse

When I hear the term "survivor's remorse" my mind is immediately directed to a soldier who just lost his battle buddy. When he returns home, he goes into a depression, when he sees his buddy's wife, he wonders why is he still here. For me, it's something different. I've known quite a few people with cystic fibrosis (CF) who die. Yes, it is a chronic disease that most likely results in death from lung failure. A few years ago I became friends with someone on Facebook who had CF. His name was SR, and I thought it would be cool to have someone to talk to. I was drawn to his lifestyle and how he coped with this disease. though, shortly after befriending him, I decided to delete him. I couldn't be friends with someone who had the same disease as me, who was deteriorating on a scale much faster than my own. I felt guilty. Well, now....its even worse. A friend asked for prayers for SR and I had completely forgotten about him. I saw his photo, and quickly remembered him. He is dying. He recently married, and I cannot fathom my husband C. dying before me after such a short, but beautiful time together. Life is so unfair. I cried my eyes out for an hour or two. Why am I allowed to have this life when others cannot? He and I are the same age, yet he is dying. I'm perfectly fine...I suffer from survivors remorse.